Have you ever been in a situation that you reacted to but then later it turned into a dilemma for you…good idea or not??
This happened to me recently!! My best friend since grade school asked me out to lunch with her & some friends from high school. I hesitated, but finally said yes. The day came & I met her for lunch. This is where I need to explain that I do not go out very much since becoming a widow. I am a bit uncomfortable in a group setting. BUT…I toughed it out to go to lunch with her.
During lunch the topic soon turned to our upcoming 50th High School Reunion. Something I REALLY did not want to discuss!! Oh, not because it is the 50th, but because it is a reunion of several hundred people that did not like me or talk to me in high school & nothing has changed!! They still run in their cliches, the homecoming queen is still queen bee, I still have nothing in common with them!!
Well, long story short, after about an hour’s discussion, they focused on me!! Was I going, why not, etc.? SO, reluctantly with my friend’s badgering, I said yes & gave the secretary the check for the reunion.
By the time I got home from lunch, the panic was raising up in my throat!! DILEMMA TIME!!!! Me going to the Reunion…..good idea or not??
I accompanied my friend & her husband to our 45th reunion a few months after my husband died. I was still in shock from his death. We went to the Mixer on Friday night & it was a disaster…for me!! My friend is a social butterfly so she was quickly lost in the crowd, leaving me standing alone…..as usual. It was the horror of high school all over again!!
I found a couple of old friends & stood talking with them for a while. I got a drink & went to where my friend’s husband was sitting & sat & talked to him. About 9PM, the “Queen” & her entourage arrived & of course everyone was trying to talk to her & such!!
A little while later, I found my friend & told her I was going home & would meet her the next day for the Reunion Dinner & Dance. Driving home, I realized that those same feelings of inadequacy & insecurity were making me feel sick!! Just like in high school!! See, I was awkward & insecure & very introverted when I was in school. I was immature so did not know how to handle the teasing & bullying & such so I just withdrew!!
I have finally found my voice & am a secure, self confident adult woman & those people put me right back in high school!! SO I did the only thing I knew how to do, I withdrew!! I did NOT go to the Reunion the next day.
Coming back to today, I am faced with that same dilemma…..good idea or not to go to the Reunion??
Now, I am human, didn’t want to, but I told my friend I would go, I paid my money to go, & I committed to another friend & Coach to go. But I am still debating that dilemma in my head & heart!! I called & made a hair appointment for that day, thinking that would force me to go!! Truth is, I need my hair cut anyway!! LOL!!
Knowing me, I want to withdraw!!!!
I am sure that you have been faced with a similar situation. What to do?? FEAR raises its ugly head & takes hold & you become uncomfortable, maybe even panic!!
It is always easier to help someone else with this kind of thing than it is for us to help ourselves!! SO…..I did what I recommend to my clients facing this!!
I took out 2 sheets of paper. labeled one “Pros” & the other “Cons”. I laid them next to my computer where I can add to them as I think of things!! These are the reasons why it would be good for me to go & reasons why it would not be good for me to go. As I started my lists, I was thinking logically. The pros were winning. But soon FEAR arrived & the cons took over like a prison riot!! I started panicking, sweating, heart racing, poor self-image on scene too!! A few slow deep breaths later, logic returned.