Okay, I recognized the FEAR, acknowledged the FEAR, & DID IT ANYWAY!!
Saturday evening I attended my 50th High School Reunion!! Odds were in favor of me wimping out BUT….I went!! I went, but only stayed about 10 minutes, WHY you ask??
When I was greeted by the door, one of the ladies said, “Oh, Jae, my you look different. I wouldn’t have recognized you. You’ve gained so much weight.” Then another lady said, “Oh gosh, you sure don’t look like you did when you were modeling in high school.”
Well, all those old feelings of inadequacy & self-doubt came flooding back into me so I just turned & left!! I was so hurt & so angry that I knew if I stayed, I would slap the crap out of one of them!! Pardon my expression, but it still angers me!!
We have been talking about change & choices.
My intuition was to NOT go because I felt like nothing had changed. I thought they would be mean & hurtful like in high school. All of you & my RW friends encouraged me to go…to give them one more chance. (I explained about the last Reunion in this post http://jaebn.com/dilemma-good-idea-or-not/)
I have been waffling back & forth with this for the last month. I CHOSE to go to face the FEAR & do it anyway!! I wish I had followed my intuition & stayed home!! I may have changed & matured, but they haven’t!!
I realize that it was just 2 people, but I just did not want to spend 4 hours being back in high school!! Am I glad I faced my FEAR & went?? YES!! But, I don’t intend to go to another one!! LOL!!
It is important to retain your composure when confronted with a similar situation. That way you can ACT…..NOT react!! My first reaction was to slap them but I knew that was NOT an option!! SO, feeling as though I was in an unsafe situation, my “fight or flight” reaction kicked in & flight it was!! This reaction to an unfamiliar situation is normal. It is what kept cavemen alive. Through the ages, this autonomic response has allowed all of us to survive. But, now, our brain reacts to any uncomfortable or unfamiliar situation with the adrenaline & that reaction…..do we stand & FIGHT or do we take FLIGHT & run??
That is why you get nervous, have sweaty palms, & feel anxious. This is normal. Our brain just wants to keep us safe. When that reaction hits you, just take a few deep breaths & that will reboot your brain, so to speak.
It puts YOU back in control of your choices!!
Thank you ALL for the support & encouragement to go!!
I would not have gone, otherwise!! I feel really good about the person I have become & if going through that negative high school experience helped me to be who I am……it was worth it!!
Hope you have a great week!!